Friday, December 19, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Relative Pronouns and the like
Distinguished by his burly figure and lengthy beard, the fattest man ever began his descent down the longest staircase in the world in an attempt to shatter the longest held world record of all time. Determination littered his face like glittery diamonds forever sparkling as if held in a timeless state. Sweat beaded and rolled down his face. Thinking thoughts of thankfulness for his own hydration, the fat man stepped on.
Princesses, Princes, Queens, Kings, and every other person of importance from all ends of the Earth had gathered and were now awestruck and enthused as they watched in anxious curiosity the fat man and his great courage. One wrong misstep was all it would take, and the fat man would be off and rolling as if he were the sweat and the stairs were his face.
Some say it were angels that were with him that day, but I say it was God himself. The day the fat man conquered the staircase and put hope back into the hearts of all human beings, was the true beginning of everything good.
Monday, December 8, 2008
To my pal, Blog.
While sitting on my wooden chair, thinking, and listening to OKGO, I thought I would write a letter to my blog.
Hello Blog,
I know that you do not exist, but I would like to talk to you anyways because it makes me feel better. Whenever I come and write to you, it feels as though my inner self gets the chance to regain the notion of who he should be being.
At first, when I thought of writing you, I said to myself, "What's the point of writing Blog? For, he will never write back." And then, as fast as a boy in a snowy maze, I realized that was the intention of your non-response. By not responding and just listening to me speak, you encourage metacognitive thinking. How clever you are, Blog!
Bloggy, if I can call you that (I feel as though I may, for your silence seemingly allows for it), I am now very glad for your wisdom in not answering me. It is very unselfish and good of you. You really are working for my best interest; I could not see that before.
I thought about joining the army today. I think I would be a good soldier. However, since I have an Iraqi friend that would be greatly agitated by my doing so, I shall not.
It is my birthday soon. I hope no one gives me flowers. O boy, would that be embarrassing. My face might even, in fact, turn red. Red like a red motorcar.
When I am older, and if I occupy a managerial position within a business, I will make sure all of my employees are shampooed. Not because I have some kind of hilly-willy for shampooing people, but for the courtesy of the customers and their senses of smell will I be enforcing this shampoo policy. There will be rules. Firstly, I will never personally shampoo an employee of mine. Secondly, if an employee wishes to not be shampooed and instead wishes to have their head be rubbed with incense or another delightful redolence, they may do so, for, I feel, it is the smell that attracts the customer and thus it is the smell that we will give the most attention to. I change my mind about the second rule. There is just something about the smell of shampoo. Or maybe it is the shampoo with the hair. Hmm, I am glad I am not older and not in a managerial position yet; I have a lot of method testing to do.
I used to play basketball a lot. I still try to. You could say it is a pastime of mine. Or could you? Are you allowed to use the word pastime when referring to an individual or must it only be in reference to countries? I'm sorry. I have only heard it used when speaking about America's pastimes. Or Canada. I feel like a no-nothing-blind-deaf-mute with no limbs. That, of course, is a gross hyperbole. But really, wouldn't that just be terrible? To have to no way of communicating except telepathy? I wonder in extreme cases like that, if God would allow a person to develop telepathy. Probably not. The atheists would be all over that. "It's the next stage in evolution!" they would declare, "we must all have deaf-mute-blind-no limbed babies!" And you can bet that there would be one old and wily atheist would name his evolved being "Kathy" just so that he could call her Telepathy Kathy. Then he would chuckle like all atheists do.
Blog, I must thank you for helping me metacognate. Peace be unto you.
Hello Blog,
I know that you do not exist, but I would like to talk to you anyways because it makes me feel better. Whenever I come and write to you, it feels as though my inner self gets the chance to regain the notion of who he should be being.
At first, when I thought of writing you, I said to myself, "What's the point of writing Blog? For, he will never write back." And then, as fast as a boy in a snowy maze, I realized that was the intention of your non-response. By not responding and just listening to me speak, you encourage metacognitive thinking. How clever you are, Blog!
Bloggy, if I can call you that (I feel as though I may, for your silence seemingly allows for it), I am now very glad for your wisdom in not answering me. It is very unselfish and good of you. You really are working for my best interest; I could not see that before.
I thought about joining the army today. I think I would be a good soldier. However, since I have an Iraqi friend that would be greatly agitated by my doing so, I shall not.
It is my birthday soon. I hope no one gives me flowers. O boy, would that be embarrassing. My face might even, in fact, turn red. Red like a red motorcar.
When I am older, and if I occupy a managerial position within a business, I will make sure all of my employees are shampooed. Not because I have some kind of hilly-willy for shampooing people, but for the courtesy of the customers and their senses of smell will I be enforcing this shampoo policy. There will be rules. Firstly, I will never personally shampoo an employee of mine. Secondly, if an employee wishes to not be shampooed and instead wishes to have their head be rubbed with incense or another delightful redolence, they may do so, for, I feel, it is the smell that attracts the customer and thus it is the smell that we will give the most attention to. I change my mind about the second rule. There is just something about the smell of shampoo. Or maybe it is the shampoo with the hair. Hmm, I am glad I am not older and not in a managerial position yet; I have a lot of method testing to do.
I used to play basketball a lot. I still try to. You could say it is a pastime of mine. Or could you? Are you allowed to use the word pastime when referring to an individual or must it only be in reference to countries? I'm sorry. I have only heard it used when speaking about America's pastimes. Or Canada. I feel like a no-nothing-blind-deaf-mute with no limbs. That, of course, is a gross hyperbole. But really, wouldn't that just be terrible? To have to no way of communicating except telepathy? I wonder in extreme cases like that, if God would allow a person to develop telepathy. Probably not. The atheists would be all over that. "It's the next stage in evolution!" they would declare, "we must all have deaf-mute-blind-no limbed babies!" And you can bet that there would be one old and wily atheist would name his evolved being "Kathy" just so that he could call her Telepathy Kathy. Then he would chuckle like all atheists do.
Blog, I must thank you for helping me metacognate. Peace be unto you.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
The answer is because of this, my shadow friends.
I am made out of recycled airplanes. Look at the doctor, he can't help them because I stole his arms! HA! No, don't laugh at that. The people will judge you and you will be the one left without shoes to stand from. The eagle watches through the telescopes with her many eyes. You're almost eaten, watch out! Rectangular. Motion. Stop watch says slow down. Why? Because of the little parental paternal pigeons that steal sympathy from the starving Sudanese.
Leave that alone! That's a serious subject! Regardless, if I could feed them I would. Would you? Would you really? Here's a chance: Go now, celibate man, and do what you said you would. No, 'cause the Doctor's got his arms back and he can do it. This time.
http://www.canada.com/richmondnews/news/story.html?id=8c148e77-86da-4858-8372-ebf8e71bdfc2
Leave that alone! That's a serious subject! Regardless, if I could feed them I would. Would you? Would you really? Here's a chance: Go now, celibate man, and do what you said you would. No, 'cause the Doctor's got his arms back and he can do it. This time.
http://www.canada.com/richmondnews/news/story.html?id=8c148e77-86da-4858-8372-ebf8e71bdfc2
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